Virginia, Here We Come!

It’s kind of hard to believe that two weeks from now, Sean and I are going to be moving to Virginia.

 Probably be somewhere in Tennessee stopped for the night.  It’s nice that Sean’s company is paying for the hotel stays.  It saves us from waiting a month for a refund check, especially since it’ll be 24 days until I get my first paycheck from the new job.  But, if we feel like going further, we can’t.  We’re stuck at the hotels they had to book ahead of time.  Whatever.  Just as long as by August 31, Sean and I are going to be in our new apartment.

We are so thankful for this.

I think we were starting to go stir crazy in Arkansas.  If it weren’t for Virginia, it would’ve been months from the last time I saw a mall.  I know that’s silly, but before living here, I never thought twice if I needed to run up to the mall to get something.  But here, you learned to be satisfied with fast food and crappy movie theaters with very little shopping.  Part of me still thinks if it weren’t for this, we might’ve gotten stuck in Arkansas for the rest of our life.  It would’ve been easy, and we would eventually have become very bitter.

I’m really really excited about my new job.  Part of me is kind of nervous.  It’s something completely new.  What if I don’t live up to their expectations?  What if I’m really not that great at what I’m going to do?  What if when it’s time to move up, I fail miserably at that?  What if I don’t fit in with them at all?  I know it’s silly.  And that everything will be fine, but it still a little nerve wracking.  I was at the hospital for almost two years, so it’s weird having to start all over again.

The only thing I’m not looking forward to is splitting up the trip.  I’m a make-it-one-day kind of girl.  Sean is breaking it into three days.  He’s the one driving the UHaul and pulling my car, so he gets to call the shots.  I’d just as soon get there as soon as possible.  I’m sure JD will as well.  His favorite part about moving is the boxes.  I have been attacked more times out of boxes sitting around than the past year with this cat.

 I’m just so excited.  Keep us in our prayers!

Prayer Request: Possible Move

Randomly Thursday night, Sean and I were in the spare bedroom due to our recent purchases at Staples. (Wireless for Sean’s desktop and filing cabinets for me.)

He decided to look around the Hibbett website to kind of map out where we could look to relocating to.  We found one 17 miles of Richmond.  Coming Soon was the only information.  Sean put a call into his district manager to see where they are.  The next day, he gets a call.  By the end of everything, they haven’t found a manager and are now seriously considering him for the position.

I thought in a year from now we might be doing this. 

I’m freaking out.  What if he can’t get enough money?  What if we can’t find a good apartment?  What if I can’t find a job in HR?  What if I can’t find a JOB?  I mean, I’ll work at Wal-Mart stocking shelves if I have to, but what if they don’t even let me do that because of my degree?

I mean, I see those are trivial.  I know his parents will help us out.  I know my mom would help if she could, but she’s moving at the end of September.  So, I’m needing prayers.  Prayers that God brings us to the right place and the right place.

So pray.  Please.

Thought for today….

“I don’t know how to live in a world where my Dad isn’t.”

–George O’Malley

Here comes Peter Cottontail…

My mom comes in tonight!

It’s been three months since I’ve seen my mom, but today she’ll be here! I know that almost seems silly. I would go from August to November without seeing my mom, and usually she’d only get a phone call with me on Sunday afternoon after both of us had been to church.

But things have changed.

I’d come home for a week in November. Two weeks later after an enormous amount of studying and late night readings topped by finals, I’d drive home for a month. And we’d celebrate Christmas and New Year’s and any other excuse we could think of to make comfort food and sweet desserts, and then I’d go back to school for another three months. March usually brought me to her or her to me. And then two months later I’d be back home for another three. We’d work together a lot during the summer, so my mom and I would hang out a lot.

Everytime I left, even if it was for just a week, I’d say, “Ma, I’ll be home _____. It won’t be too long.” Now, I never know when our next meeting will be. That breaks my heart a little each time I leave. Not just because I can’t give her that little reassurance, but because I can’t give it to myself either.

Sean’s father and brother are coming in. They’ve convinced Seth to come to Harding, so he’ll be joining us in Arkansas in August. But he needs to try out for all the wonderful music groups at Harding, so he’s coming up this weekend.

Unfortunately, my mother-in-law can’t come.

Okay, I know my relationship with my mother-in-law has been less than stable. But I’m sad that Sean doesn’t get to see his mom for some time now. Like my mom, we never know when the next time is that we will see his parents. Granted, they’ll definitely be here in August to move Seth in, but until then, he won’t get to see his mom for eight months possibly. Also, it’s because she’s sick. No one wants to be sick, especially during holiday times.

Although, I am grateful that I don’t have to clean like I would if she were coming. Men genetically can’t see dirt like women can, and my mom realizes that anything is an improvement compared to the way my bedroom used to be.

I’m getting everything ready to throw Easter for us on Saturday (due to Seth and Jackie’s early departure on Sunday), so I am excited for throwing my first shindig type event for family. It’s going to be simple: meat and cheese tray with condiments and rolls to accompany, fruits, veggies, and sidedishes to fit my Weight Watcher’s lifestyle. But I’m excited.

Wish me luck!

simplici.tea

I’ve decided I want to become a tea drinker.

Not like “I’m living in the South, sweet tea will replace my blood,” but starting my morning with a hot cup of tea with honey or ending my day with some decaf and good book with my cat in my lap. There’s something that’s so appealing to me to be a tea-drinker. I just feel like I’d see life as slower paced, every sip bringing me a little serenity into my day.

Maybe I just watch two many commercials and movies.

But I like tea. I really do. The flavors are much more pleasant to me than the bitter taste of coffee. There’s too many things in my life that are bitter without having to add it to the start of my day. I think I’m too much of a dreamer to be a coffee drinker. I’d rather sift through and explore the more complicated flavors infused in the tea bag.

I’d like to think I’m becoming a foodie.

I know I’m not really. I still prefer the taste of a McDonald’s cheeseburger to that of anything Sean could make me on the grill or one of those gourmet burgers you can get at fancy restaurants made out of ostrich meat. But Food Network has made itself a regular on my TV. I think I’ve learned how to change things in a recipe successfully and I understand better why you have some ingredients that might seem out of place but are really essential to the recipe.

I think that’s why tea might be more appealing. As I’m trying to understand and learn different elements of food, tea seems like a perfect compliment so I can understand some of the sweeter herbs and spices compared to the more savory spices you experiment with when it comes to dinner meals.

My life has been good recently. Not that it hasn’t been good in the past. But I’ve been smiling a lot more than I’ve been crying.

Sean’s got a job that he’s so excited about. It’s in a field he loves doing something he excells at. The money isn’t as good, the peace of mind that he’s happy with what he’s doing is work learning how to budget. Beside, I’m glad for us to learn how to save and appreciate more of what we may make one day.

Work has been a bit more hectic. I’m given more tasks at work. Ones that will give me great experience in whatever I choose to pursue. My biggest problem is that I tend to be swamped during certain parts of the month and then other times I have to pull from the dregs of my tasks to find something to do. Ideally, I’d like to be steadily occupied all the time, but this world’s not perfect, and I make do. I like most of my co-workers. Some more than others, of course, and others I wish would realize that just because they’re older doesn’t mean they’re my supervisor or know better than I do. Not that I know anything more than they do, but someone’s exhaustion and bad mood does not need to be taken out on me.

I love my husband. I get to hang out with my best friend on a fairly regular basis. She’s about to move and leave me, so I’m glad to spend time with her when I can. Most of the time, I have a full life and when I get my breaks, I’m generally grateful to have them.

Two days after my birthday, I’m going to start Weight Watchers. I need to lose weight. I’ve always been on the bigger side, and I developed bad eating habits my senior year of college. But after my father died, I fell into depression. And recently depression has resulted in over-eating rather than loss-of-appetite. I’m hoping this will jump start me into losing some weight and get back to the gym. I always feel good when I work out, and the little bit of yoga that I do get to do, I love. But when I get to come home and see Sean, I just want to sit on the couch and cuddle and talk. I don’t want a miracle. I don’t want to be a size 2. I just want some more engery, a little more self confidence, and the knowledge that I’m living a healthy life.

But needless to say, my life is busy. When I get home, there’s always something to do, whether I feel like doing it or not. I think taking thirty minutes to drink a cup of tea every night might give me a little bit more peace and perhaps a moment of simplicity in my life.

Home sweet home…?

I am an Arkansas resident.

It’s kind of nice to be in a place away from home with my husband for us to call our home. But I think the frustrating thing is, neither of us want this to be our home. We both know that this is a place for us to save money and plan for the future.

The hard thing is, right now we’re not very sure at all of what the future holds.

We both know I will probably stay with the hospital until we’re ready to leave Arkansas. It’ll give me lots of experience and the loyalty to one company will look good. And hopefully we’ll stay at the hospital long enough for me to have the appropriate experience level to apply for other HR jobs when we move.

It’s been so long since Sean interviewed with Walgreens.

The frustrating thing is, the probably are wanting him to move up to management. I mean, they have to find out where he’ll move and give two weeks notice, but the district manager hasn’t bothered to contact anyone. It’s obvious that a photo tech moving to assistant manager isn’t even a blip on his radar. That is so disheartening for anyone. And I can tell you from experience, your degree not really being recognized is frustrating. It feels like you wasted four years of your life to rack up some dept and make some new friends for a few years.

He’s put in some other apps and has an interview set up for Wednesday. We just need prayers. We need some sort of sign of where to go. Sean needs to have a job that’s more challenging that running a register and developing pictures. But we also need a job that will allow one of us to transfer when we are ready to move so we are able to have a source from day one in our new residence.

Granted, I get frustrated with my job too.

Our manager is sometimes on top of things. But a lot of times, she’s nowhere to be found. I wrote entire handbook and gave it to her before I left for the wedding/holidays. I have been told to replace every “employee” with “associate” and try to get rid of any “musts” in the text. I have not received any other edit. I think she may have said a total of 50 words that are work related. I have no idea where she sees my position going or where she sees me developing in the department.

But, at least I know that in everything I do, I am making someone’s day a little bit easier. Helping them utilize our benefits, making sure licenses are up to date, recognizing every employee’s birthday, making sure everyone is entered correctly into our system, getting the right people into the right job. And I’ve realized I absolutely love my career path. Even with a company I’m not really sure of, I know that I picked the right field to go into.

I want that for Sean. Heck, I want that for everyone. But I especially want it for the man I love.

A Word of Warning I am at the Garden State point …

A Word of Warning

I am at the Garden State point in my life.

This statement is utterly pointless if you have not seen this movie. But if you’re reading this blog, then, how have you not seen this movie? But for a little clarification, this is what I mean.

You’re almost to that adult stage. You’ve had your first real jobs. You have to pay bills, buy insurance, get your taxes done, think about investing for the future a little. But, you’re not real important in your job. Your entry level or a little above. You don’t necessarily live at home, but sometimes, part of you wants to run to the parent you would go to for problems. You could think marriage, but the responsibility of actually being a parent scares you beyond belief.

It’s the anticipation of what is to come. That’s what this part of life is. You long for the carefree days of school where your biggest headache was that math problem that seemed impossible on your algebra class and the boy you have a big crush on saw you with snot dripping out of your nose when you laughed to hard in the cafeteria. Granted, those were big problems back then. But I’d rather worry about snot running out my nose than paying my insurance bill, making rent, and wondering what kind of job my husband’s going to have.

I’m really scared.

That wasn’t the thought behind this entry. This is kind of just how my mind went. I was originally going to write about how marriage is harder than I expected. Even for a couple like us who have been together for a long time and really genuinely love each other.

But my mind keeps wandering.

My mind is so focused on the fact that I don’t know what is to come. That is absolutely frightening to me. I feel like I’m just kind of floating. I’m not fully any place. And it’s like purgatory. And the idea behind purgatory is truly my hell.

Perhaps when my hormones get back to normal I won’t feel like this. If my hormones every get back to normal.

Warning: This is Slightly TMI, but it’s my blog, s…

Warning: This is Slightly TMI, but it’s my blog, so get over it.

So we had our first pregnancy scare.

You think a girl who’s been on birth control for well over ten years wouldn’t have much of a problem with it. But I just switched from the ring. My period wouldn’t come until the day before I was supposed to put the new one in, obviously not normal. So I switched back to the pill.

Well, in the midst of trying to pack everything for the honeymoon, I left my pack of pills at home. Yeah, I know, “ahh!”. But, we had plenty of condoms and used one everytime. And really, I only missed two days of the pill, so it wasn’t a big deal.

We were well aware that most women tend to get a UTI from the honeymoon, especially girls who have never had sex before and then go hog wild, so we got cranberry pills and I took at least two a day. UTI never happened. But I developed a nice yeast infection. So I took some Monistat and all was well.

Just a word of warning, Monistat weakens a condom and compromises the medicine in spermicide (which is on most condoms). So we had to take some emergency contraceptive to make sure everything was okay.

Well, I had been off the pill for seven days, time to start my new pack. No period. So, of course we freak out. Sean calls a pharmacist to see if this is normal. They said to wait a couple days.

Since it hadn’t come yet, and the mood struck, we decided to have some fun. Except, that’s when my period decided to show up. Yeah, but, answered prayers.

So we got a bunch of firsts. And hopefully the lasts for a while. Well, except my period. I’ll be okay if I have those once a month….

At Sean’s graduation in December, they had a reall…

At Sean’s graduation in December, they had a really great speaker.

One thing she said has really stuck out in my mind. She said that twenty something years ago, their parents had learned what it meant to have their heart leave their body and walk around and trust that it would be okay. That when a child is born, they take their parents hearts and become a part of them. A part of them that they can’t control and isn’t quite understood on the part of the person they gave it to.

That simple statement made so much sense.

I understand why my mom would worry. Why she wanted to know where I was going, who I was going to be with, when I want to be home. And why when I walked down the aisle she was crying tears of joy, but also tears of loss.

Because now I’ve let my heart leave me and walk around outside of my body.

Maybe not in the same connection. I mean, if I had someone growing inside me for nine miserable months, it’s obviously no where close to the relationship of man and wife. But in marriage, you choose that person. You can decide who you give your heart to. And if you choose wisely, you don’t need to worry about them ever doing anything purposefully to hurt you. You don’t always have that luxury with a child who has yet to understand what you feel.

But when it comes to hurting, the person you’ve given your heart to can do it without any control.

It’s icy out. Sean got a call asking to come in to work third shift. I told him to go ahead and work half, 10p-2a, so we could still make it to church. But when I think about him driving home past 2a, my heart takes residence in my throat. It’s all those little things. The things you can’t control. The things that are other people’s faults. Those things hurt my heart. They make me afraid. Because if I lost him, I would lose my heart. And if I lose my heart, my mother will lose hers as well.

And I didn’t feel this when I first told Sean I loved him.

I loved him, yes. But not like this. I loved him with that mixture of puppy love, lust, excitement, and hope of what is to come. I love him now, with a little bit of those. I still get so excited to see him when he comes home or meets me for lunch at work. It makes me smile a little more. But my love for him is so much deeper. I still have that young, passionate love. But I think we both feel a deep companionship love. The kind I think you need to have in order to have a successful marriage. Because that’s the love that let’s a marriage last.

The question remains though. If I’m feeling this now. Just short of three years of Sean being my significant other. How much more will it be ten, twenty, fifty years from now?

And as exciting as that is, to be able to claim that we’ve experienced that kind of love, it scares me. It scares me that one of us will eventually be without that kind of love. And although that’s a long way away, when my heart leaps into my throat on nights like this, sometimes my mind wanders to those thoughts.

I am married! Man, I really had my doubts about e…

I am married!

Man, I really had my doubts about everything coming together. Not about my husband of course. Don’t ever get that idea. I love him to death. He is my rock, my laughter, my comfort, my swift kick in the pants when I need it. But just about everything else about the wedding, I wasn’t sure how it was going to play out. I was literally folding programs midnight before the wedding. But it looked good. Simple, but good. What we wanted.

Married life is good. Adjustments are always to be expected. But it’s going fairly smoothly.

It’s interesting how much you assume some things are a given, but them you starting living with someone else, it’s shows you how much it isn’t a given. Everything from the toilet seat, the bed being made, using the dishwasher. It’s not anything you can’t get over, just something to get adjusted to.

A lot of wedding pictures have been rolling in. I love how a lot of them have turned out. I’m glad it was a beautiful day. We got some really great pictures outside. I really wanted outside pictures. The only sad thing was the fact that my theme didn’t correlate with the sunny skies and balmy 60 degrees outside. Snowflakes did look slightly silly. But who would’ve thought that December 30th wouldn’t have brought ice and cold?

I need to get back into working out.

I always tried to at least go to yoga every week, let along make it to the gym to get in some cardio. Last week I didn’t even manage to make it to yoga. We made so many precautions that I wouldn’t get a UTI. In the end, it resulted in a yeast infection. (Sorry for gross details) You don’t feel like stretching in odd ways, let alone sweating when that’s going on. Hopefully the period that is to come this week won’t be so bad with trying to work out again.

I really want Sean and I to start our lives together healthy and happy.

Happy is taken care of. We have so much love and affection for each other that it could fill a whole room with happiness. Healthy, well, once we can conquer our love of bad for us foods, we’ll be on the right track. I think we both like working out. It makes us feel good. But man, we love food.

My new thing for Food Network doesn’t help. I love watching it. I take pride in cooking a really good meal. One that takes a little more than opening a box and following the directions. Granted, I don’t want it to complicated. A meal we’ll down in twenty minutes isn’t worth hours and hours of labor. But crafting something that just melts in your mouth that’ll take about 60 minutes, that I love doing.

But, we need to go to bed soon. Sean has an interview for the management trainee program with Walgreens tomorrow morning in Conway. That’s also VERY exciting. A lot of our future lies in tomorrow. And I need to be at work tomorrow at 8am.

So this is where I bring this to a close.